from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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