I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
