I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
