first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
