Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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