I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
