i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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