i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
