don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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