Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
