i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
