Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
