i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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