break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
