Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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