i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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