fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
