Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
