direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
