Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
