Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
