His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
