I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
