I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
