I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
