I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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