Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
