I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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