Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
