im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
try to milk me bitch
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
