Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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