I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
