i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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