is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
