I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
