my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
