I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
