I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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