3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
