well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
