I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
