I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
