My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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