the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
