I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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