so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
