he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
