I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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