So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
