My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
