If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
