Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
