I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
