Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
