somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
