You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I need a beard to bite.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
