i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
